sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
