you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
and eventually we just all took our pants off
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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