the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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