yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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