Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
As shirtless as possible
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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