Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
