I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
