I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
