I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
