All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
