Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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