he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
