Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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