he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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