lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
