At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
