so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Boobs speak an international language.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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