I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
