There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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