Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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