I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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