the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
