Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
