I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
