It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Randomize
