i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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