I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He felt like a one man threesome
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I wish there were birth control emojis
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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