just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
