he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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