I am midnight drunk by noon
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
