It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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