I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
