So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
