he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
