Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
