i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
