btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
