3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
