What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
