k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
