Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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