she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
