god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
