I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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