just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
