Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you win again, gameday.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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