Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
