I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
