you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
