I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
