Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
