i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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