No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
