I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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