Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
