I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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